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Thoughts of an elder

Just talked to my Papaw. He's 96.

He says to me "I've never thought myself to be better than anyone."

Yet he goes on to say "As long as they conduct themselves in the same fashion as I do myself. If they do not conduct themselves in the same fashion, acting all loose and wild and no respect for themselves and others, then I'd like to think I'm a little bit better than those people."

My Papaw has his standards. Many times I myself have not even begun to measure up to those standards. But he has loved me anyway.

He said he'd let me go (get off the phone). I told him I only called to see how he was and tell him I loved him. He said "same to you honey. You are my good granddaughter. You know you are welcome to come see me any time."

He's never called me his "good granddaughter". But one thing's for certain, I'm the favorite.

Ever known you were the favorite grandchild?

I'm the oldest. I'm the first child of an only child.

They put their world, their lives, into raising me in their image, religion, life.

Now if only I could figure out farming - I'd take over his world and make it work dammit!!

That is the one thing I really regret. I don't know if I can do it now. Step in and become the farmer.

But I have two farms heading into my world when he leaves this one behind.

And I've got to figure out what to do with them and how.

I especially want to preserve them, or one of them in particular, for my children and my future grandchildren that I may have some day.

I only hope that I can figure it out when he's gone.

Unfortunately, to become interested and deal with him now may be too late.

Because I have to work I cannot get into it.

But when will I be able to get into it?

My prayers are going up that something comes my way soon so that I may stay at home and be the mom my kids need me to be in that fashion and perhaps I can also get into my Papaw's head and his farming world.

Maybe then I will be able to barely scrape the surface of how I need to proceed without him when he's gone and take care of his legacy.

I only hope to be able to do this and live up to his standards as his "good granddaughter."

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
perdita_saxon
Sep. 2nd, 2003 07:10 am (UTC)
I don't suppose the thought
of the Butler county extension office might be able to help.
You could even rent the farm land...thus keeping it and paying for it...

You even know how to draw up the contracts....mmmm

eyes_of_beauty
Sep. 2nd, 2003 07:31 am (UTC)
Re: I don't suppose the thought
What's obvious to one person is completely missed by me. :)

I just feel like I will be floundering when this all goes down.
perdita_saxon
Sep. 2nd, 2003 07:49 am (UTC)
Re: I don't suppose the thought
But . . you'll have me to keep a cool head.
You'll have shoulders to cry on - which is a good thing.
At least you KNOW with me -I will be able to show you the obivous...................................

:-)
eyes_of_beauty
Sep. 2nd, 2003 07:58 am (UTC)
Re: I don't suppose the thought
And having you is such a very good thing!!!
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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