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Nov. 10th, 2003

Sitting here, watching Law & Order:SVU (I'm adicted), I get to thinking - I don't know why this came up, it just has.

I'm a lucky woman. I'm happy. For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy.

Its an episode of SVU wherein the Catholic Church and a priest are under fire.

I was thinking about when I converted. At that time, I was in search of happiness.

For a long time I searched for happiness. Only I sank further and further into misery.

No one and nothing could make me happy.

Then I read this article on MSN about happiness. It said something about to find true happiness within yourself you needed to take some time, sit back, and figure out what it is that would make you happy. It suggested that being with the family more could destress you.

For the longest - and I do mean longest - time all I've ever wanted was to be SAHM. To be able to be here with my kids, for my kids.

As a single person, and the sole source of income several times over, I could not do that.

Until one day I said enough. I was done. I had to leave work and get the hell out and I had to be here - at home - with them.

And here I am. With them. Day after day. This is week #3.

Last Friday I went into the office to sell a lotion (from writanya's biz) to the new girl. I took a look around. Nothing seemed familiar to me. Not one thing.

Though I knew it was.

The only thing I missed was my chats with Carolyn.

My first week off I made a point to call her at the office. Half way though our talk T gets on the phone and tells me how he misses me, blah blah blah. I did not say word one about missing him.

I miss talking to Carolyn.

So I called her tonight. I gave her my "hello beautiful lady" when she answered the phone. She told me that they missed me. I told her I missed her companionship.

But otherwise I'm busier than I have ever been in my life. Running kids, cleaning house, picking up, etc. Mostly running kids. And fighting with BBK to get her to nap.

I told her that I would be in touch with her at home soon again. And I will. She is wonderful.

I am one happy person.

Both writanya and Dita have been on the phone with me in the afternoon when I have both kids and heard them fighting and me reffing. They both asked the same thing, if I was sure this is what I wanted. But what they don't realize is that what they heard was normal and what I was used to dealing with in the evening when I got home from work and was too exhausted to deal with them.

I am happy woman. I have what I've always wanted. To be SAHM.

My husband is job seeking and has an interview this weekend. YEA!!!

But financially, we are okay for about the next two or more months until he gets employed.

Fingers are crossed that he gets this job and that we don't have to use that back up cash up.

But he's wonderful. Frustrating sometimes, aggravating as all get out, but still the best I could ever ask for.

He's tolerant and patient - or makes a good show of it.

He's good to the kids. They love him. BBK calls him daddy and C calls him Stan but shows him he loves him and that's what's important.

But BBK also can tell you who is who in the daddy dept. That is also very important. I'm proud of all of them.

I'm still recovering from being sick. That takes time. But at least I don't have the stress of "the job" to go to to stress me out more to make me more sick and make it last longer.

This is the best thing I could ever think of. The best life. I'm at home, I'm with my kids, I have a loving husband, I'm happy.

And *chuckles* I just got the pic in my head of Madaline Kahn singing "At last, true mystery of life I've found you!" LOL - that's great!

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