Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Burn Baby, Burn

I feel like crashing. Crashing and burning. Sleep. A long sleep. No screaming kids, no ringing phones, just blissful sleep.

Waaahhhahahahahahaha - yeah, right, like that is ever going to happen.

My anxiety level is so high that it is a wonder that I am functioning at all. I feel like at any moment I could just crash down and not get back up for a while. If only someone would leave me alone.

If I did that, my chances of having someone realize that I just need to be left alone to rest for a while are a big fat ZERO.

Because they would all want to intervene and find out what happened, what is wrong, why it happened, how to prevent it in the future.

They would want me in therapy and on drugs.

Things I have done in the past and I will go through again at some point I'm sure.

I'm on drugs. Like I need any more.

I'm lucky that the ones I am finally on have only one really bad side effect. An increased sex drive.

Poor Stan has no clue how he is ever going to keep up with me.

Take it like a man baby!!!!!

What man wouldn't kill to have his woman on a sex drive?

There may be a few, but I don't know any personally off hand.

Last night, after chinese, I did end up crashing on the couch. Stan called. I swear that several times I went to sleep on him. Finally I told him that I was exhausted and all I wanted was some sleep. He told me to go get it, sleep well, and he would see me tonight (Friday). So I hung up, took everything in me to even get dressed for bed and not just fall into it. Then I started drifting off to sleep.

Just as I was about gone Loki started to protest loudly that he could not get in my room.

If you have any Loki experience, then you know what I mean.

Groggily I let him in. He climbed on the bed, crawled under the covers all the way down to my feet, hung out down there for a few minutes, apparently decided they stank too badly for him to remain there, then crawled back out. That is the last thing I remember. Bam, I was gone.

I do not recall waking up one time after that. Usually I awaken several times during the night that I am aware of. But not once last night.

Yet I'm still tired today. Its more of a - hey! that was a good sleep! let me go back there! - kinda tired. If only I could have had a couple more hours, I might feel better than I do.

But you know, I need many months of sleeping like I did last night in order to even begin to feel better. If I could sleep like I slept last night on a nightly basis, then I think that much of my anxiety level would drop off.

I would feel better, act better, be a better person, a better mom, a better fiance to Stan, a better worker, and maybe actually like this job.

I mean, okay, I do like what I do for a living - I just hate the stress and the tension around here. It is all because I have a stressed out, hypertension type of boss.

He freaks if you blow your nose wrong some days. Others he freaks for absolutely nothing at all.

I need a new job.

I am being lazy at the moment. I have work to do. I'm bored. Maybe its just that I am still tired. Probably tired.

Now I'm wondering what is going to happen for lunch. I'm tired of pizza, I'm tired of Fat Wally's, I'm tired of what is NOT around here in general. Maybe I'll just make a Kroger run for the salad bar. That is good the salad bar at Kroger.

Now I'm tired AND hungry. Funny me. Laughs

I'd better go do some work now. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz



Latest Month

November 2005
Powered by LiveJournal.com
Designed by Tiffany Chow