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Cracking Me Up

I got this forward from Vampyress Jade, "wife" to Vampyric Knight:

Subject: Some insights


1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

How true!

2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I can think of a few that I can put this to, and even that makes me smile

3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Again, this is me. I can cook. When I want to. But otherwise - "that's not going to happen"

4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday....lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

No comment

5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant.
Every table had an argument going.

I can see this happening

6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.

This is just funny in its own right

7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

Again, no comment

8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

This was an idiot who wrote this statement

9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Amen

10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Amen

11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

ROTFLMFWAO

12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

Still ROTFLMFWAO

13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Answer: 42 - It must have been Zaphod who wrote # 13

14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Yeah! How come?

15. You read about all these terrorists-most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Coughs

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