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12/2/99 - On this date my daughter was born. Yesterday she turned 3. Where has the time gone? Her brother will be 5 in six weeks. Gads I'm old.

12/3/98 - On this date I lost the best friend I had ever known for 28 years. My Nana. She was sitting in the chair, she asked my Papaw if his annoying nephew had left yet, and then she gurgled and fell out of the chair. Papaw knew before she even hit the floor she was dead.

I mourn her loss still. Because I never fully mourned her loss at that time. She would have been 86 on 11/29/02.

My Papaw calls me at random to ask me if I miss her. That is when you know he is thinking about her.

Almost daily there are things I want to pick up the phone to call and tell her about. Things that would make her laugh. Advice I need to hear that only she can give me.

Many a time have I secretly gone to her grave and sat down on the ground and talked to her.

I don't go that much. Not as much as I probably should.

She would say I have a life to live. I have kids to raise.

She would also ask why I do not come more often.

I used to dream about her. In my last dream we went shopping with both children. She never saw my daughter born as my daughter was born a year to the day she died.

But yet there we four were, shopping. And she went to pick my daughter up. The little lug that my daughter is. And I went to stop her. But she told me that the body I saw was the one I remember her as having when she was on this Earth. Her new body could do anything.

So she picked my daughter up, placed her in a shopping cart, and strolled into the store.

That's my Nana for you.

My dreams of her were vivid. Everything that occurred in them were so very real. They were things that she would have said or done in life. That lets me know that she was indeed communicating with me from whereever it is that she is now at.

There is indeed a place to go after our death to this world.

She is waiting for her family to join her.

She sees my daughter and she loves her as she loved me.

My son is still #1 in her eyes as was his mother in her own time.

These things give me comfort.

I may be growing old, but I have a whole life ahead of me to live and I can know that I have a place to go when it is time to rest in the end.



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