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My Missing Day

That subject line is a bit ... um ... not quite sure WHAT it is to be exact.

Yesterday, BBK and I had just gotten done eating our $1 sundaes from "Old McDonald's" and the phone rings. I answer. "Hi, this is Brack" !!!! My mind instantly goes into fear mode. Then fumbling of the phone, then my Papaw's voice telling me he had gotten a bit sick and needed me to - I swear this is what he said - come over and clean it up.

At least he is alive and my mind eases up a bit. But I can't go immediately because of CJM I say. He said he would be fine until I got out there. This is freaking me out now.

I get on IM with Stan and we converse about what I should do from here. Its just me. Then it occurs to me that one of the boys in CJM's class's mother tells me where she is going directly after we dropped kids off. So I pack up my BBK, call KK as she had the day off to tell her I was bringing her a BBK, and head for the laundromat to the mom.

I about run into the place and she is like "What are you doing here?" I, on the verge of tears, tell her what is up. She said "GO! Go now! I will get him for you and take him home with me. Do you want me to keep her too?" I told her that BBK was going to KK and thanked her profusely and apologized profusely. I wrote a note for her to give the teachers and once BBK and I were in the van and on our way I had called the school to tell them what was up with CJM. I told the secretary that I had a family emergency and that this mother had been so gracious to get him for me and the secretary was like - "GO! I'll take care of it on this end. It will be fine. Good luck."

Not once did it even cross my mind to call my mother. What crossed my mind was, I'm not bothering her at work and upsetting her as I'm an adult and can take care of this myself.

Besides, I think I'm the only one who knows where he keeps his health insurance cards. Sigh.

Heart beating fast, I drop off BBK to KK and just tell KK that Papaw needs me to do something for him. This is not unusual so KK just accepts at face value.

I don't need a freaking KK, a freaking mom, or freaking sibblings on my hands until I have assessed the situation. A freaking me was all I could handle at that moment.

I get to Papaw's to discover not only Brack but two neighbors as well.

Papaw tells me that he had taken a walk and had over exerted himself. He was breathing hard and his color was not good.

The lady neighbor tells me that she had gone to check the mail and had seen him sitting in the lane. She felt this was a bit peculiar. She went back out a few minutes later to see him lying down in the lane. This got her moving and she and the man neighbor went to help. They got him up and into the house and had taken his BP and his heart rate. Both were sky high. They had taken it 2x by the time I had got there.

He was shaking worse than I have ever seen him shake.

He said he had taken his walk and on his way back down he felt very dizzy and knew he would pass out if he did not sit down so he did. Then he felt he had to lay down, so he did. He tried to get back up but couldn't so he said that he prayed that God would bring help and God did.

He could not tell me how long he was down.

So the neighbors left and Brack stayed a while. Brack asked the neighbors to come back in about 45 min to check his BP and pulse again. Which they did and BP was back to normal but pulse was still up.

He was lying on the couch when Brack left.

He was hungry and I fixed him his lunch. He got up and ate that then lay back down.

I just couldn't get him to shut up to be quiet.

He's always telling me "You need to be quiet and rest" when I'm sick. Yet he could not shut up.

So about 6 I decided to go up to mom's for dinner. He asked me not to tell mom until after she had eaten as she wouldn't eat if I told her before.

Mom had gotten CJM for me from the friend's house. I had spoken with the mom and told her that MY mom didn't know a thing and would she please not tell her and just act like they had invited CJM over after school. She was cool with and about this.

I felt that by my leaving him alone, perhaps he would finally shut up and rest. He did. He said he napped while I was gone. I got back to find him eating his supper (as he puts it).

Anyway, I had dinner and let mom eat her's. Then the phone rings and its AJ in a talking mood. So mom and AJ gab for a bit. Before AJ called and while mom was eating I hinted that something was up but wasn't flat out telling her and she just 'hum-de-dummed' along as my mother tends to do. Ms. Oblivious that one.

So while gabbing with AJ I just flat say "Get off the phone, we have to talk". So she gets AJ off the phone and says "What's up". I explained to her the events of the day. I tell her that he really needs me to spend the night with him but I have kids who need taken care of. Stan works on Tuesdays so he couldn't be here to do it.

After she has a moment, she calls Bug to come get BBK. She says she will bring CJM to me in the AM before she goes to work so I can get him to school as KK was to work as well.

I said if I had to put my Papaw into the van and make him go with me to get CJM to and from school I would do it.

I go back down, we settle in. I had texted Stan to bring me a gown and change of clothes and same for CJM - not the gown of course, just clothes. He came over for a bit.

As he left, we discovered that Papaw's door does not lock. At all. You just push it to and it gives the appearance of being locked, but all you have to do is turn the door nob and push and it opens right up. AAAAAAAAAAAAAA - Must tell BIL to go fix that.

I locked the screen door, then got ready and went to bed after tucking Papaw in on the couch.

After a bit, I was dozing, and I hear him get up, shuffle around, turn on and off lights, and go into his room.

I go to sleep. At 2:30 I hear him get up. At first I thought I heard him stagger so I got up and went to his door but he was fine. He shuffled into the bathroom and then into the living room to check the time. He annouces the time to me as loud as he can.

Sometimes he imagines we are as deaf as he is.

At 7 a.m. I wake up. I was listening for mom to bring me CJM. I look outside and see all of the snow. I think "Nope, no school today". So I call BBK off of preschool and text Stan and then watch the news.

He doesn't get Fox 19 so well but I was able to watch some of it anyway.

7:15 mom calls to tell me KK isn't going to work and CJM is tucked in with her.

8:00 Papaw gets up, gets dressed, gets moving, makes me bacon and eggs for breakfast, and then settles into his favorite chair.

I checked his pulse, much calmer. His overall look and color much improved. Then he starts telling me I can do this and I can do that for him.

LOL - yes, he's feeling better. So I shovel the walk some, I swept when I could, I cleaned off the van, then I came in and did the dishes for him. He asked if I could see the paper and I could not. It is truly buried as I just saw the tip of the plastic wrap as I drove out of the driveway.

Brack called to check on him and said to tell him he would bring him a couple of trout for dinner.

Papaw said he would stay in as I told him it was wet AND slippery out there. I have his word. I know he will do what he says.

I slept pretty well in my Nana's bed. It had 5 layers of blankets and flannel sheets. The only thing missing was my husband. And a kitten attacking me.

I just went ahead and came home without kids as the only jacket I had was light and my backless tennis shoes (remember how nice it was on Monday?). I have wet shoes, wet feet (well, dry now as I type) and no insulation to keep me warm. I was lucky I had gloves in the van.

I sit here yawning. Wishing to go back to sleep. However, Bug has already called me about getting BBK - sigh.

So I go to get warmer clothes on, boots for me and kiddlings, and think about heading out the door.

My bed is calling me "Sarah! Come sleep!" I want to answer so bad. *whine*

Later I will rant about having to be the strong one that everyone, including my mother, looks to for the "what do we do now". It is never my turn to cry.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 16th, 2004 09:12 am (UTC)
You cry if you need to darling. I am like you -- always the strong one, never the one to ask for help. People like us need to have our breakdowns too. Don't forget that :) Don't forget to take care of yourself -- no one else will.

Your name is Sarah? That's my sister's name :)
Mar. 16th, 2004 12:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

What scares me the most is when will I actually have my breakdown? It could come at any time. What's even scarier is that I can feel it coming on down the road.

Yes, I'm Sarah. When I was a kid I hated my name because it wasn't something exciting or exotic. Yet when there are 3 Amy's, 5 Brian's, 4 Becky's, etc. and only ONE Sarah - I think that I was pretty unique. *grins*

Mar. 16th, 2004 12:26 pm (UTC)
Sarah is a beautiful name -- I've always thought that it was simple and elegant :)

I'm Victoria -- Tory when I was little; Vicky since the middle of elementary school. I was one of 3 Vicky/Vicki/Vickie's in my class. ack.

Allow yourself to meltdown once in a while. People like us do not ALWAYS have to be pillars of strength. If we don't blow off our steam now and then we will end up in the hospital with worse problems later on. We don't want that, do we??


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )



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