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I need a hug - a really big one

I love my Papaw, I truly do. Yet its better to face the music sooner than later. Because later is much worse.

I was expecting a lecture. Which I got heavily.

Again he reiterated that he has absolutely no faith in my choices or decisions.

He tried to use the threat of pulling out all of his money and stuff and just giving it away. Its an old threat. Last time I challenged him. Today I challenged him.

Its his money, his property, not mine and he can do with it as he pleases. If he does not want to give any of us one damn dime, that's his decision, not mine. I told him this yet again. Do what you will, you can't hurt me. (I think that gets to him when I say that - but he's trying to get to me so turn about's fair play, even if he IS 97.)

In the years since my Nana died I've grown. I've grown in my financial freedom. I no longer need to lean on anyone for money (other than my husband but that's what you are supposed to do in marriage, lean on each other, take care of each other - in every aspect, including money).

I have not asked my Papaw for one red cent to do anything around this house.

I went off, I was crying. When I'm angry I cry. The harder I'm crying, the angrier I am - if I'm angry and absolutely in hysterics - RUN do not walk away from me as fast as you can, because I cannot promise that I would not physically lash out.

I went off saying how he has no faith in me, that he thinks I'm stupid and (as he puts it) ignert. (He means ignorant, but he's from KY and he's 97 years old and that's a wee bit too old to start changing how you say something.)

He said I was being silly and he never said any such thing. I told him that just because he did not say the exact words the way he was acting and how he was saying things to me, indicated to me that is how he felt.

He asked if my mom knew - I said she did. He asked what she thought - I said she thought I needed a bigger house and needed to get out of Middletucky HELL.

He asked what was wrong with Middletown. Did he get an ear full!

Two friends have their kids in Madison schools. Their boys are both in kindergarten as well. Their boys go to school from 8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Their boys are reading books - not just picture word books, but BOOK books - like the Disney series or the Whinnie the Pooh series or the Dr. Seuss series - and understanding what they read. Their boys are writing full sentences and understanding what they are writing.

My son is in school for 2.5 hours a day except one day a month he's only in school for 1.5 hours due to early dismissal for teachers meeting. My son knows sight words and can pick them out of books and signs and stuff like that. But my son cannot read a book alone. I read it to him and when we get to a sight word he says the word and then we go on. With simple words that are not sight words I try to get him to sound them out. He complains they are not sight words. But he's learning some of them and can recognize those words now too.

My son only writes sentences that he copies. He doesn't know what he's writing. One or two words may be sight words and he can tell me that but he cannot read to me what he wrote.

Would you say that my son is in a good school system? No. He's in the Butt Crack of Butler County. If he stays here, his chances of graduating are pretty slim. The school district is just crap.

Yes, I do work with my son at home on reading and writing. Yes, my mother works with him when he is with her. I have not clue one what his father did when he went to see him.

I got the "if you had told me before hand I would have found you a nice one story house with three bedrooms out this way". I'm sorry, isn't the WEED out there? Why yes, yes it is. Why would I want to kill my children by suffocating them with the WEED?

One story? Three bedrooms?

I told him that we needed room. We needed FOUR bedrooms. He said that I only needed three because whatever else I have can share a room with whichever sibling is of their sex.

He told me to be still, be content with what I have, and that I didn't need to look any further ever for a home that his mom raised 10 kids in a two bedroom home, his cousin raised 10 kids in a two bedroom home. Heck, even Bug will tell you that she's heard the story of the grandmother-in-law raising several kids in the two bedroom home that she and her husband own.

He did ask what I was going to do with this house. I told him that A and Roach (that's what Papaw calls Chris) were going to rent it for $550. I lied about the price.

I called my mom and told her about all of this and she just laughed. She said, "You know what his problem is? He didn't control the decision. He didn't control the house hunt. He didn't control anything. He is upset because you have become more independant that he would like you and he sees that he can no longer control you."

Yes, that's my Papaw. All about control. He's not happy unless he has something to complain about, some situation to get control of.

He told me to pray about this. I told him that I have repeatedly for some time and that I was at peace with this and that if God didn't think it was a good decision then I would not be at peace.

Now it will not be God who gives me grief over this - it will be Papaw.

Papaw told me that two story houses do not sell. He told me that only one story houses sell. He told me that I will find out that we are paying way too much money for this house and that if we try to sell it we would only get about one half of what we paid into it.

Excuse me - but is it not true that two story houses are more preferable to the young? Is it not true that two story houses right now are selling left and right?

If I could have found a 4 bedroom ranch with everything we need and a full basement, I would have jumped on that in a heart beat. If I think one exists that we can afford, I'd be dreaming for sure.

Okay, enough, CJM's 2.5 hours are almost up and I have to leave to get him now.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 23rd, 2004 12:49 pm (UTC)
*really big hugs to you*

Mar. 23rd, 2004 12:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much sweetheart. I truly believe that he's trying to put me into the grave before he gets there himself.
Mar. 23rd, 2004 01:01 pm (UTC)
Anytime darling :)

Like you said...he IS 97 and it sounds as if he is stuck in his ways. If he is the sort that doesn't like to be 'out of control' of a situation then he is probably freaking out that his daughter went and made such a large decision on her own without consulting his expertise. His ego is probably bruised a bit....just speculation on my part. I know that you love your Paw-Paw tonnes...and he knows it too -- I think that he will eventually respect your decision darling. If not, then you can at least have peace of mind knowing that you did what was right for you and your family. Just because you didn't do things the way that he would want you to doesn't mean that you love him less. Be true to yourself and the rest will follow.

:) :)
Mar. 23rd, 2004 09:40 pm (UTC)
Again many thanks. *sniffles*

I spoke with my mom and MIL today and we have come to the conclusion that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants us to depend heavily on him, and when we allow ourselves to, he complains mightily about it.

He is not truly happy unless he has something to grouse about. *shakes head*

Yes, I love him so dearly. I know he loves me as well. I will be so lost without him, hurt deeply when he is gone.

As I was doing some driving tonight I thought about my Nana (whose been dead for 5 years now) and about how she would handle the situation. She would ignore him completely and do what she wanted to anyway behind his back. It was like I could hear her voice saying "Why do you let him get to you like that? Just do it anyway. He won't know the difference."

That was her whole attitude with him. She kept the records so when she wanted to do something and he only allowed X amount of money for it, she wrote a check for that amount then she went out to the bank and got cash from the account for the rest of it. To this day I know that he never knew. He also never knew about her slipping me cash weekly either or for whatever I needed money for.

When she died, he found a stash of cash in a drawer in her room. I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the money she was stowing away to give to me. I don't even remember what for now. So I let it go.

He will tell me now and then when he gives me cash for no reason at all that my Nana wasn't as good to us as he is. I just nod and smile and agree with him. What he doesn't know won't hurt me. :)

Gah - he may frustrate the living hell out of me and I rant about it, but he has my heart.
Mar. 24th, 2004 12:35 am (UTC)
oh my super duper huge(((((hugs))))) I dont know what more to say except WOW for being 97 he's a spry ole guy!

I do agree though you need to get those babes in a better school that is going to teach the kids something. I know there are some schools out there that do *nothing* for us. My sil is a kindergarten teacher in a neighbouring town and she won't teach the kids to read. She says its not in the curriculum so she doesnt go beyond what is in there. She also says there are kids in there reading but they came in reading and picked up things along the way. I don't agree with her way of teaching and im glad K isnt in her class.

I got lucky and had M in an awesome class, the teacher was the best around(she was my kindy teacher too heehee)! She was reading lots of things by the time ECS was finished. With K they are doing a diff program but the same teacher started this program so they kept it going when she retired at the end of last year. It's a pilot project that is amazing , K is reading works M couldnt have at that age. I love it! She loves it and she sees words all over the place she recognizes.

So I wish you the best of luck on finding your dream house!!! :D I can't wait to see pics!

BTW thanks for the BEAUTIFUL PICS of the kids all I can say there is W-O-W are they ever CUTE and how they have grown!!!

I will write you back about the other *stuff* soon ;)

(hugs) sweetie your such a wonderful friend and I cherish that. Now if we only lived closer :D
Mar. 24th, 2004 08:04 am (UTC)
I cherish our friendship too. To think it all came out of a chat in a parents site. :)

Once we get the house it will be much larger and can accomodate guests.

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )



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