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Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I have it. It sux.

In reading the National Center for PTSD I read as follows (note: excerpts from www.ncptsd.org):

"What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder?

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events . . .
People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person’s daily life.

Who is most likely to develop PTSD?

1. Those who experience greater stressor magnitude and intensity, unpredictability, uncontrollability, sexual (as opposed to nonsexual) victimization, real or perceived responsibility, and betrayal

2. Those with prior vulnerability factors such as genetics, early age of onset and longer-lasting childhood trauma, lack of functional social support, and concurrent stressful life events

3. Those who report greater perceived threat or danger, suffering, upset, terror, and horror or fear

4. Those with a social environment that produces shame, guilt, stigmatization, or self-hatred"

It goes on to say that "The most traumatic events for women are rape, sexual molestation, physical attack, being threatened with a weapon, and childhood physical abuse."

It also says "PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person’s ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting."

WOW - this is totally depressing.

So far, I think I'm a pretty good parent, but I can see the difficulties. I tend to let my kids get away with more and I'm not a really strict person. Yet I have no fear of the whipping or the belt. I follow through and I enforce punishment.

The belt is the very last resort (tm), patent pending.

Time outs, taking away favorite toys or blankies, taking away their videos, etc. tend to get me more than a spanking would. I try those first.

I'm on meds. Even though my dr suggests that I return to therapy, I wonder what I have to talk about. I have talked out the event that caused me to have PTSD. I will never be over it. Because of it I am hyper viligant. Especially towards my daughter.

I'm off one of the three meds I was taking because I cannot afford it and do not have prescription coverage through my health insurance.

My dr. knows and is okay with this because the other two give me 2/3 of what the one did and the one didn't even give me the benefits I'm reaping from the other two.

The site describes the drugs Paxil and Zoloft as being two of the drugs used to treat this disorder.

I would NOT recommend either of these drugs. I tried each of them and they only exacerbated my symptoms.

But I think that having this disorder has complicated my relationships so very much.

It causes problems in thought processes. My hyper viligance extends to myself.

My hyper viligance makes me overly hypersensitive to things that normal people don't think another thought about or just overlook and go on because its no big deal.

With my daughter, it doesn't help that a former therapist told me that she felt that my ex had child molestor tendencies. It further does not help that someone told me recently that he told her a while ago (long while) that he was indeed a child molestor.

If my daughter is ever inappropriately touched . . .

I leave that open to interpretation but any parent can fill in the blanks or any person close to a child can.

What I don't realize until I just read this information on PTSD is how bad I truly have it.

I seem so normal .

I could honestly go get on disability if I wanted.

But I don't see myself as someone who needs it or needs to.

But should something happen to me that I could not work, that would be the best alternative I have so that I can have money coming in.

It frigtens me, it really does.

It leaves me wondering, just who am I really?


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Feb. 7th, 2003 01:08 pm (UTC)
I know how you feel (though I refuse to try to get diagnosed... did the therapy thing... that just screwed me up more).
I am sure you are actually a wonderful person, and a great parent.
And it helps that you recognise that you have this.
I think you are going to be just fine.
(Though I am by NO means a doctor of any kind!)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



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