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Many thoughts today

Kids and I get up and get going. Me folding laundry. Left the house to go pick up something needed. As I head to Target I pass the mall. My mind waundered back to my early teen years. Every weekened I drug my Nana to that mall to shop. Every week I had a new outfit. My poor Nana. Figuratively speaking.

It made me miss her.

I recall barely showing any emotion at her death, her funeral. She was my bestest buddy in the whole world. But I know that I had to be the strong one while everyone else fell apart. She taught me that.

Every now and then things come creaping into my mind, thoughts, memories of her. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just smile.

She was the coolest Nana in the whole wide world. I still love her very much. Very very.

Had to separate the kids for nap time. He was convinced that he was not tired. He's sound asleep. Her, she did her normal nap routine. Had to threaten her within an inch of her life to get her to stay in the bed and take a nap. That is normal routine. Occassionally she will be good to me and just hop right in and go to sleep. But that is a rare and beautiful thing when she does.

So I made chocolate cupcakes. I'm learning so much about my own mom now. She made cookies and cupcakes and the like. Not because it was a treat for us - but because SHE wanted them. LOL - Okay, she wanted them AND as a treat for us.

The older these two get, the more I learn about my own mom. I learn where she was a good mom, where she was doing her damndest to be the best mom she could be, and where she made mistakes.

Parenting is a trial and error thing. No one is perfect. Least of all myself, or my mom.

And I also see where my mom lost control of me and my brother. Again, blame my Nana for that. We'd ask mom, she'd say no, we ran to Nana who said yes and did for us.

Yep, I'm as spoiled as I make my own two. Thanks Nana. Or mabye I shouldn't thank her - because I swear if my own mom did to me what Nana did to mom, I'd move away, far away.

Basically, my whole day has been thinking about my Nana. That little old lady in so many ways was the best in the whole world, and in retrospect, man did she flub up.

Showing me how NOT perfect she was as well.

I love my babies. I miss my Nana. Sniffle, there are those tears.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
perdita_saxon
Aug. 25th, 2003 08:01 am (UTC)
I miss her as well
You aren't they only one who misses her...
Just who do you think sent me warnings??
eyes_of_beauty
Aug. 25th, 2003 08:15 am (UTC)
Re: I miss her as well
Keep "listening". The devious lady is still out there.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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