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Ready to Go, Ready to Run

I watch myself pace, arms flailing about
I hear my own thoughts vocalized
I see my own stress and go - ack - how did it get to this?

And I see that I have taken on myself more than is my due

I want peace
I want laughter
I want to wake up and know that the world is right

I cannot champion the cause of everyone
I can only champion myself

Yet I expect those around me
Closest to me
To be there for me

I am not asking for a fix-it person
I am asking for sympathy
I am asking for empathy
I am asking for two arms to hold me and let me cry
I am asking to be allowed to be myself
I am asking to be validated

Things that only two people in my entire life have ever done for me - she knows who she is and he is in Canada and I have never met him in person - but he has always been there for me, just when I have needed him most.

I expect my friends, the people I love, to be like me

I expect to be there for you, for any reason
You wanna dump? Then dump
You gotta a beef? Gripe
You are hurting? I am there to ease the pain
I cannot take it from you, I cannot even bear it for you, but I can do my best to lessen it
You need a hug? I'll give it
You need to go off about the significant other in your life because they have driven you off the deepend? Go off - explode - I will listen, don't know what I will say if anything at all, but I will listen
This list goes on and on and on

I am the best friend you could ever ask for
I am honest, I am true, I am loyal

You need a kick in the butt? I'll kick you in the butt
Your head is up your ass? I'll find a way to help you get it out - or I'll tell you who can

My very best friend in the whole world called herself my life coach today.
She is right.

She does all of the above for me.

She is there to hold my hand, give me a hug
Talk me down out of the tree and then
Hit me in the head with a Sequoia tree trunk
For my reality check

I am ready for so much
I want it to get here so quickly
I don't know what time and patience are at all

But she makes sense to me
List out my expections
What I expect out of life, love, anything and everything
Not list of wants
Wants and expectations are two separate things
I can want a lot of things that I will never have
But what do I expect to occur with regard to the things that I do

That is the challenge

I am reading two books. One is about ADD & Romance and the other is called Five Love Languages - they both talk about communication with your partner, and loving your partner in the way that they need to be loved.

I find myself making notes.
If not literally, then mentally, to go back and write it down.

I look forward to these challenges.

I am ready to go. I am ready to run.
Straight at them and through them.

Mabye they are the obsticals of my dream of so long ago.

And the love that is waiting for me is the one that will open up its arms to me in my room and embrace me, love emminating off of it like heat.

I will melt against it, resting, happy to be in love's arms at last. And all of these obsticals behind me, look forward to a brighter future.

I'm ready to run.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 11th, 2002 07:27 am (UTC)
You betcha
That's sweer.
You bet your sweet bippy I'll beat you with that stick.
Thank heavens, I am already crazy otherwise it's be enough to make me so.

Jul. 11th, 2002 07:27 am (UTC)
You betcha
That's sweet.
You bet your sweet bippy I'll beat you with that stick.
Thank heavens, I am already crazy otherwise it's be enough to make me so.

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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