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To My Nana

I think about you. I want to pick up the phone and call you. I have so much to tell you. I need your advice.

I want to eat those fried apple pies again. I need you to show me how you made the baked beans like that.

Teach me to dry my own apples so I can make those pies myself.

How did you do those awesome apples for apples and biscuits again?

I want to eat your dumplings.

I want to tell you I love you.

I want to thread the sewing machine so you can work your magic in making those awesome house shoes. Becka needs some. Camden would love a pair too.

Where did the pattern for them go? Was there ever one to begin with?

What about the pattern for those aprons you made us? Remember those? I be the kids would love to have them too.

I can see them now, running around in those aprons with their markers and crayons stuffed into them and wearing those patchwork houseshoes.

I can smell the fried apple pies frying.

To taste your potato salad again would be such a treat.

You know what else? I miss shopping with you. Not that we have to buy anything mind you, just to waunder around the stores and look at the clothes and try them on.

To go to the grocery again with you. That is what I want to do.

When they changed the Krogers you always went to and rebuilt it to be bigger and better like all of the new ones you would have immediately changed over to Marsh's.

I want to sit on the swing with you again, swinging back and forth, drinking lemonade or eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate smothering it.

You were always feeding me. As if I were a poor starving waif who needed it. LOL Look at me now!

I know if I ever went to one of those John whats-his-face things he would "see" you standing around me, next to me.

Because I know that's where you are at.

I know it was your spirit that held me up, held me strong, when your body left this world. Because you taught me I had to be the strong one and you taught me how to ignore my own pain in order to carry on.

Because that is what you did, had done, would have done.

You taught me what it was to be the oldest of a large family of siblings.

You pushed me out and taught me to stand on my own.

But you could never teach me how to be without you here physically. You could never teach me how to not be able to pick up the phone and call you for advice, answers.

I miss you in my dreams.

I miss you in my days.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
perdita_saxon
Sep. 25th, 2003 08:20 am (UTC)
i know
Go and visit her!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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