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Loving You

We had such a nice long talk. Until it was interrupted. But that's okay as it gave me time to think about things that you said to me. When we were talking, the words you spoke, you were talking about me. That is who I have been. It is also who you have been. And we are much the same.

You talk about feeling like you need to "heal" people. Heal their wounds. That is what I felt like, when I tried to mother.

I found people who needed mother figure. Why? I don't know. Maybe because my own was not what she should have been and I was trying to create what I felt that a mother should be.

But I got tired of carrying the whole load. Time and again I was the one who did everything, was expected to do everything, without getting anything in return.

You said the same of yourself. You gave and gave and gave and no one gave you anything back. Sucking the life out of you. Sucking the heart out of you. Sucking all of the love they could out of you and leaving you empty.

How did we ever keep finding these people???

It is now my belief that we were meant to find these people. To teach us to know what it is that we wanted out of a partner. To teach us what to avoid. To teach us to appreciate true love when we finally found it.

We have finally found it. In each other, we heal ourselves. We heal our own wounds, and we heal each other, without trying. Because we are good like that.

You are teaching me true love. You are teaching me how to be a better person. You are teaching me how to be a better parent, even when you are not a parent yourself.

In some way, a while ago, I knew. I knew that you were the one for me. But I denied myself that for so very many reasons. Valid reasons, at the time.

Here you are. Timing was right.

You say now that cookouts are the best thing. Because of a cookout, we started seeing each other in a new light and found an interest in each other and 11 months later, here we are.

I am still as crazy in love with you now as I was with you MONTHS ago - in the beginning.

I walked through the cloud - that cloud of euphoria each person walks through at the beginning of a new relationship, and I came out on the other side, still in love.

Supposedly the "in love" experience is supposed to only last about 2 years before reality sets in.

I see people who have been married longer than that - our friends for example - I can think of two very committed, in love couples immediately.

These couples have been married for longer than 2 years. And their "in love" experience is going strong. Even after "reality" set in.

I see that being us. After two years have passed, after marriage, and until we are old and sitting on the front porch watching the sun set, drinking hot choco, watching the grandkids try to catch the lightening bugs and running back to us to show us what they found.

True, we do get on each others nerves from time to time. We drive each other crazy. I have more than my share of blond moments that make you sigh and roll your eyes and laugh at me.

Because of these times we just love each other all the more.

I look forward to hitting the one year mark in our relationship, I look forward to buying our first house together, I look forward to planning a wedding with you, I look forward to planning a baby together - and making that baby ;D, I look forward to growing old with you.

I love you more and more each day.


Sep. 16th, 2002 12:23 pm (UTC)
You Surprised Me :-D
Then I must add you to my list of friends who are still happily married and have made it past the one year mark! Here is to many more for you guys!!

In reading a long past post that you had on your LJ - I think it was at your one year wedding anniversary where you were looking at your wedding ring and I think you said a tear was in your eye - I commented to Stan that I hoped that we would be like that one day because I thought your post was just beautiful.



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