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Is certainly entertaining, bizzare, and downright funny.

I'm sick of going to a job where I am overworked and underpaid, albeit appreciated as he knows who REALLY runs that office - me. Without me he'd croak. I feel suffocated.

I have finally found the love of my life. Discovered right under my nose.

I have two wonderful children who I am so happy to be allowed to be their mother.

I read once that we chose our parents before we are born. If I had been able to make that choice conciously - I would not have picked the man who was the sperm doner for that job.

But if this is true, I'm happy that my two children picked me.

My closest friends are closer as always and are adding each other to their list of friends. I feel like a friendship matchmaker.

There are those who proport to want to be my friend and then when I allow them to start to scratch the surface that is me I find them dissing me in some fashion - I feel it is on purpose, bigstan thinks its an oversight, my girlfriends are in agreement with me. I'm tired of petty poopy people.

Yet I turn around and find that I have a friend, and have become a friend, to someone I never even expected to be friends with. Not that I didn't want to, I just never truly thought much about it because we are worlds apart in so many ways, and as I have discovered very much alike in all the right ways. For this I am happy. I like new friends. Especially ones who I believe are genuine and not phony baloney like the ones I wrote about in the paragraph above.

Yet there is also the "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" saying that I find holds a grain of truth.

You know, I can really spot the ones who will be phony but I still give them a chance. They do not get seconds. I then treat them with respect yet hold them at a distance and make a point to not go around them or talk to them often unless faced with a situation where I have to be around them so I will socialize.

Then I feel so phony myself and I feel dirty and want to shower immediately so I can scrub it off.

Yet I still get a bit hurt. But I know that they will turn out phony in the end so not much is ventured or set forth so I can get over it quickly and move on.

I will do my best never to let my true friends down. I'm not perfect, neither are they, but all I can do is try.

Once upon a time I did not ever foresee me being happy with anyone. I made all the wrong choices.

The only persons who I felt would be the end all get all be all were my children. They rock.

That and the ones who I can say for certain are my true friends. And my family.

Then in walks bigstan. I have either known him or of him for a while. Not recalling exactly when we met, yet seeing him around. Even asking him to perform the joke of a wedding I had with Don. I have apologized profusely for that.

Now here we are, planning our future, a life together.

I look at him through loving eyes and I also look at him learning to know the man that I love. His habbits, his idiosyncrasies. Learning to know what I should fight about and what I should let go because it is not worth it.

Talking to people who also know him better than I has helped me out as has talking with him to clear things up that I do not understand or cannot get how it fits in.

Had I done that before I would have run for the hills and dug a hole. Then I wouldn't have the best two babies in the whole wide world. So they were meant to be here and the "fuzziness" with their fathers wore off as it should have.

I don't ever think this fuzziness that is with bigstan will ever go away. I don't foresee that happening.

The man drives me crazy. In both the sense of - you are making me nuts - and the sense of - you curl my toes and bunch my panties! Hubba, Hubba!

I do the same for him. Except bunch his panties. He doesn't wear panties, sheesh, he's a guy. Its either tighty whities or boxers or boxer briefs for guys. I'm not saying which for him.

I have a Ziggy cartoon posted on my desk at the office. He is saying up to God - I love my life. Thank you for giving me one!

I feel that way.

Life is crazy, hectic, filled with ups and downs, triumphs and losses.

I am a good mom, girlfriend extraordinare and a very best friend. I'm also faithful daughter and sister.

God - I love my life. Thank you for giving me one!


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Sep. 17th, 2002 06:17 am (UTC)
Life and Stuff
If I have told you once, I have told you a billion times. I am going to figure out a way to build that time machine and stops us from doing the DAS mistakes. Since I have learned one of my lessons, for my next life and when I run into again, I will have to tell you that the first "he" is a really bad idea and you remind me the first "he" is a spectualar crash and burn waiting to happen.

And for the love of pet: "WILL YA LISTEN & HEAR WHAT I'M TELLING YOU?!?"


BigS in underwear . . . TMI TMI TMI! myeyesmyeyes!


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )



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