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Maybe its just me

I don't know. I'm in one of those moods. I'm bored. I'm tired. I want to go to sleep.

My anxiety is so darn high that my stress level is out of control and I cannot sleep. I did not sleep at all last night.

The dr gave me sleeping pills. They don't work. They make me drowsy. So when I lay down to sleep, I go into a light sleep, but then I wake up about an hour later fully awake.

Last night I took NyQuil when I woke up to get back to sleep.

I need rest. A good, long, hard rest.

No one waking me up.

But I want you lying there beside me when I go to sleep. I want you there somewhere when I wake up.

I miss you when you are gone.

I meant what I said about you moving in.

I know we have talked about this. Feels like a million times.

I live too far away from the highway. I live in such an obsure place from where you are used to living. My house is too small.

I said I wanted to be a bit old fashioned and wait until we are married.

It is my perogative to change my mind you know.

Yet even now you are included in the decision making of the household. In regard to the children as well.

You asked me what I took you for the other day and I said a good step-dad and I also meant that.

You are. You know you are. I see it every time I see you with them. You rock.

I miss you. I want you. I want to be with you. Every day.

I know that soon enough, we will be married and we will be together then.

I guess I'm just so very tired. Its the anxiety, the stress.

What do I have to be anxious and stressed about?

I have no clue but I am. Well, work, the neighbors, getting the house ready.

My mom.

I'm tired. I'm bored.

I want to go somewhere and take a very long nap.

I miss you.

I wish you were here. To go to sleep next to. To sleep with.

Maybe its just me.



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November 2005
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