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Knowing who I am and who I am not with all the subtle shades of gray.

I can write a list, make the columns, even or uneven depending on what I have to say about myself or what I think I am.

I think about the people who are in my life or who have left or who have passed through and I see what part of them they have left with me - impressions or thoughts or advice or words of wisdom that I have taken to heart - and I wonder what part of my memory did they take with them when they left.

But I do not dwell on this thought because I can never know.

For those who stay I am well pleased and happy. I may never see eye to eye with some of them on any one subject, I may never have everything in common with them, but there is something there about them and myself that makes us stay together as a whole.

There are those who I miss and will be thought of with fondness - perhaps a smile or a tear, depending on where they were in my life, what part they played with me.

There are those whom I am more than happy to be rid of - as it has been said - good riddance to bad rubbish.

There are those who just won't go away when you want them to disappear. You do everything you can to encourage this yet they wish to continue to hang on. Until you get the balls up and say "Get lost!" and they finally get it and walk away with head hung.

That is a hard thing to do. Very tough. It hurts, even when you know that you are doing what is best for you and for them.

Who am I?

So many things that I am that to attempt to list them then surely I would forget a dozen or more things about myself that is me.

I can tell you who I am not much easier, and still forget a thing or two that I am not in that listing.

And now I am tired and shall end this rambling - or rather put you the reader out of your misery because you decided to click on the cut and read this post. :)



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November 2005
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